a bit odd

lately, i found myself being dragged by random invitations from everyone. i mean, no plans or whatsoever. just plain text messages and phone calls will do. and never really though of these meet-ups as something very important. but all was fun.

im not really a person who meddles with other people’s issues unless they were wronged badly their enemies. i really don’t subscribe to gossips as well. i just don’t care about sooo many things around. but these things were all served at my table.

im saddened by couple break-ups, ended friendships, stabbing at the back kind of things. i get sad when i’ll have to choose between friends. i never really liked these kind of things. and why is it happening now??? i mean, di ba pang high school lang toh???

oh well. the long weekend was tiring and fun. i get to bond with great people in the office at our zambales trip. will post stuff next time. at this point, im really sad because vacation is over again. deep sigh!!!

of facing challenges then laughing about them

i was never good at escaping anything. i always get caught. so i just try to face all of them and hope to surpass them. i’m so thankful how my friends made me realize that at present, while dealing with a problem, it could feel like its the end of the world, but after some time, you’ll just sit at one corner and laugh about it.

i remember when i failed my math 17 years back, and now i’m so embarrassed to share that i really cried when that happened. i remember when i was jobless and the whole world raised their eyebrows at me, when my parents didn’t approve of an ex-boyfriend yet tried to keep it as secret, when i can’t beat a deadline at my previous jobs.

now, its just that, i had a very bad day. some people’s lives depend on me now. i’m just so tired of becoming a shock absorber and trying to fix other people’s lives. its so frustrating that when you need some people, you cannot expect them to come. but its really amazing that some friends will come to rescue you whenever, wherever.

problems really can be equalizers of relationships. you get to know who’ll be there for you during tough times. maybe i should be reinvesting my time, everything.

another week is yet to come. a lot of things to manage and to deal with again. pressure and all that is devouring my grace. i feel like im having too much responsibility at this age. i dont know why i have to assert who i am, what i am. can i just not care?

my graceful exit

He’s such a nice person. i thought he would ask me to do some video or shoot some photos for him but he only asked why i am leaving the bank. i just smiled, and he asked me again where i am going. i told him the company where i am transferring and told him that im on the lookout for new challenges.

he told me he’s going to miss me, that i am always part of the family and that i am always welcome to visit. he told me that i must keep in touch. i thanked him for the very fruitful experience i had with the bank, for all he opportunities it has given me to find myself and understand its advocacy. i was so overwhelmed by the experience that i forgot he’s CEO and i am staff.

Ambassador Jesus P. Tambunting, owner, chairman and CEO of Planters Development Bank, Entrepreneur of the Year Philippines 2009, taught me that a warm smile can touch even the coldest heart. he taught me that humility can take you to places you can’t even imagine. he taught me not to be afraid to speak my mind.

tomorrow would be my last day with the bank. i am thankful for the all the opportunities and the learnings i have gained during my short but fruitful stay. and because of that i don’t want to burn bridges as i move along.

the big move.

okay, so i waited for this for like a quarter of a year. going through that application process which seemed to have no ending, made me almost give up and stay where i am. in a few days, i’ll have to face a new environment, do another adjustment, keep those bank uniforms and fit my own-styled corporate attire, conquer new challenges.

this decision is a risk. im back to my probationary status, no bonuses and leave credits for the next six months, so im actually terrorizing my tenure. but i believe im also building my career and eventually, my life.

our CEO told me yesterday before i left for home that i should see him. i was wondering if he already knew that I am leaving the bank or there’s something he would ask me to do? sigh! His daughter talked to me already, she wished me good luck and i was really amazed by her charm and humility. I mean, who am i for them anyway? Our CEO is just the 38th richest person in the country according to Forbes last year. and me, just a plain employee of his bank.

i consider that an achievement though. in his world, where everything happens fast, where everyone is just another face, he somehow remembered the connection of my face to my name. im still wondering what it could be we’ll talk about this afternoon or maybe tomorrow, whenever. i hope i could break the news without assumption. i know they could get another me or maybe someone better in no time.

of course it breaks my heart to leave some people who i considered as friends already. a lot of them have been very supportive of my move right from the start. the excxitement of meeting new people is equally scary. but i guess, that’s how life is, we have to give up good things for something we think will make us better.

i hope one day, i’ll go back to see them again and hear ourselves share sotries of successes and inspiration.

out of boredom

one is enough
two is too much
and three is poisonous.

this is my philosophy today. i guess i just grew tired of pushing things to its limit. sometimes, way way over the limit for some people i think i have cared so much for. this time, i am more complacent and secured, i love myself more than ever. i learned to appreciate unexpected nice things that were done than sweet sounding promises which are, more often than not, meant to be broken. i realized that some people will just accept you for who you are, love you for whatever you have and will become and a lot will just be there beside you for what you can do for them.

real friendship is hard to find especially in the workplace. gossip is spelled out everywhere, sometimes even the most insane ones suddenly became so easy to believe in. how will people approach you when they have already judged you? the echoing truth is that people will always judge you based on how you look, on how you sound, on what you own, on what they hear inside the elevators. it is unfair, i know, but that is how things are and the process just goes round and round and round. One day, you’ll raise your chin up and would want to prove them wrong, then the next day, you’ll ask yourself why you need to please them after all.

everytime i get into a fight with my friends, it doesn’t matter if im wrong or not. i always take the initiative to say sorry twice, explain my side and then never again for the same issue. i don’t mind the pride thing. it is the least trait that i need. but im not as patient.

i just realized that it is hard to make new friends in the workplace, but even harder to keep old ones. im scared that those people i call friends wont be there when i need them most. i dont want to experience that frustration and so im kinda reserving myself. im not ranting nor raving. im not whining nor sharing what my dreams are. i would not share so much of myself this time. passivity after two tries is what im going to do. i dont want to exert any effort anymore. i grew tired trying to prove myself to people who are not even worth my time.

randomness

Happiness is a choice! Well, for me it is. You can choose to or not to do what you’re doing, what to eat, where to go, who to talk to, to live, to live happily, to simply live. But its not actually just about yes or no. sometimes “HOW” is more important. How you do what you do, how you eat your food, how you say what you say and how you live your life. Who says that the end justifies the means? I do! But sometimes we have to think about the people we encounter. Their opinion is not as important as ours but sometimes ours are not as right. I don’t know, maybe to think responsibly is the answer. But yeah, I don’t want to get devastated by truths. At least I know, things do happen for a reason.

bora frustration

not bora bound this summer anymore! grrr! i hate it that i have to ask for permission still from my parents….grrrr. sigh!

finally

I just realized that the foundation of friendship is really important. one friend asked me that. She asked me the basis of my bestfriendship with my then best friend. I told her that we’re both into photos, fashion, boys, etc. she said its too shallow. She asked me again if we have shared an experience wherein we helped each other. I was there for her all those times. But she wasn’t at any time for me.

 

I let it pass. Trying to understand where she’s coming from. Well, maybe being in a broken family did that to her. Full of drama yet lack of emotions. Friendship out of convenience maybe works best for her.

 

Last night we got into a fight. She called me possessive, that I have to understand her. I just don’t like it when she’s lying to me. I just don’t like it when someone is lying to me. Why does she have to make up stories pa? it’s not like I wont be able to understand that she has other friends, and life as she puts it.

 

She told me I have a lot of demands. I told her I do, but they remain as demands and she’s not doing anything about it anyway. She told me she’s thankful for all the things I did for her but she can only do a lot less than what I did so I should not expect anything. That when her other friends call for her its because she’s helping them with their problems.

 

I wanted to tell her that if there’s anyone who has the right to count the things done for each other then it’s me. But I didn’t. I just told her na how come you can help them but you can’t help me when I have problems. she told me she’s not a psychic to know whether I have problems or not. She must go back to my lowly days when I needed a friend and she ignored me for fun. But I’m so tired of just making her realize she’s not always right, and she has to know what others give up for her.

 

She told me that I have to grow up. I say she has to stop being selfish. She told me to stop being narrow-minded and stop being demanding. I say I just know what I deserve. She told me to observe her long lasting friendship so I could get tips for ours. I told her I don’t need to do that anymore because I’m tired of hoping that one day she’ll treat me rightly. I just feel like real friends make time and not just try to see you whenever its convenient. or if they really can’t make time at least they don’t lie to you. I feel like she’s just a friend because I can make things more convenient for her in some ways. Sad but that’s how it is.

 

And with all this being said and done, she called for an end of conversation (quoted from a movie). While I called for an end of friendship.

 

Excess: it doesn’t feel so wrong at all. and i wonder what took me so long to do this. back to sanity

not worth it.

Id like to blog sana of some bad things. You know, getting bitched around by not so important people. But I thought, its not really worth my time. I learned that the best way to deal with it is shrug your shoulders and flash your most sincere smile. Elle Woods-ish kinda attitude huh? But yeah, I really cannot get myself affected. All I know is that I did my best. And sometimes, even if what one does is superb, there will still be people who won’t appreciate that.

 

All along I know that the worst thing one can do to one’s self is trying to please everyone. Anyways, ciao. =D